I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
