You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Rumble strips road head = magical
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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