True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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