I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
