Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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