Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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