...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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