piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
