My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
