I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
