I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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