So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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