By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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