where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
