You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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