There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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