Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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