Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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