my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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