guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
