can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize