I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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