never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
