he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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