hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
