Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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