you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
