I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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