i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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