hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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