If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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