I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
