What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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