I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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