My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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