It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
