I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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