2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize