Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize