I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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