Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
