i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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