I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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