The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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