when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
