I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize