Moan for me like Helen Keller
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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