I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
