she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
