I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
