I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
