My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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