So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
