someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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