Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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