I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
