bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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