they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
